In Miniature
by imp

In Miniature

imp

Summary

Silly little ficlet.

Notes

None

Chapter One

"Yes," Parker said. "No. I think so?"

"It is not a complicated question," the man in front of her said. His German accent was heavy. But his gun looked heavy too, which was why Parker hadn't already dealt with him. "You have defiled a national achievement with this man. We are well within our rights to...deal with you."

Parker liked being alive. "Maybe," she said. "Um, do you think you could wait ten minutes?"

Nate would come in ten minutes. Hopefully.

||

One week earlier

"I'm just saying, man, maybe it's not the best idea to fuck with a multi-national corporation that's just developed nanobots. Ever heard of gray goo? That shit is scary."

"You know we don't actually live in a sci-fi novel, right?"

Hardison gave Eliot the kind of look Parker usually used on people who asked if the jump lines were secure. "Man, you don't even know."

"Enough," Nate said. "They've been robbing people blind for years. Americans, Germans, hell, they've been robbing orphans."

"I don't think you can call heiresses orphans," Sophie said, "in anything but name."

Nate waved a hand. "Doesn't matter. People have been hurt, and it's our job to fix it."

Parker could tell everyone was going to agree, so she raised her hand. "How?"

Nate smiled. "So glad you asked."

It turned out he had a plan that was complicated but let Parker jump off buildings twice, so she was happy with it. And it was the German embassy, too, which meant she'd be breaking laws in two countries, or none, depending on how you looked at it.

And it wouldn't involve a lot of time around Hardison, which was also nice.

She liked Hardison. That was confusing. Hardison liked her. That was even more confusing. She wanted to kiss him. That was the most confusing of all.

If she didn't think Hardison would still be there when she understood everything then she would have had sex with him. That would be easy, and fun, and then things would be less complicated. But the way he looked at her was like how he looked at a sixteen-core supercomputer. Parker remembered his looks, because they were important. And he looked at her in that same way.

So she stayed away, for now. Just until she figured things out.

Sophie was going to get the keys to the city (that weren't keys and didn't have anything to do with a real city, only a fake one, but Nate liked that phrase so they all rolled their eyes and used it), but Nate had to get them inside. It took them two days. Parker reminded Nate three times that she could have broken in and gotten them what they needed, probably, in half a day. Probably. Hardison reminded Nate that he could have given them false identities and gotten them in, definitely, in two hours.

Eliot just sat around looking like he wanted to hit something. Parker patted his shoulder a few times in support.

Once they'd gotten in they had to do recon. Parker liked it because she got to wear a suit and snap at secretaries. She wasn't ever going to be a good actress, but she was okay with the snapping at people part. And once the secretary let her into the ambassador's office – to wait, because she was a Very Important Lady – she got to steal things and bring them back to headquarters.

Where Hardison practically came in his pants.

"Holy shit," he said. "This is – this is huge. This is mega-huge. This is, like, remember torrenting? This is way bigger than that."

"No one but you remembers torrenting," Eliot said.

"That's why it has millions of users across the globe, am I right?"

"Boys," Sophie said, "that's enough. Hardison, the question is, what can you do with it?"

"What can't I?" Hardison shrugged. "Anything. This is gold. Well, it's gold if we can get the actual research. We've just got the abstracts here. Otherwise most of what I can do involves smashing."

"I'm okay with smashing," Eliot said.

"You can find out where the research is, can't you?" Nate said. "Do that, and we'll steal it for you. Then –"

"Then," Hardison said with a huge smile, "it's showtime."

||

"Oh, this is too good," Hardison said.

He'd been cuddling and petting the external hard drive for two hours while he broke the encryption. Now he looked like he was ready to explode. "This is perfect. This is fuckin' perfect."

"Want to share with the class?" Eliot said.

"There's only one copy of the research," Hardison said. "They were that paranoid. This is the only copy."

Parker could feel herself smiling. "We stole their nanobots."

"Hell yeah, we did." Hardison typed so quickly his fingers were hard to follow. Parker was distracted watching them, so it wasn't until Nate said her name loudly that she realized she hadn't been listening.

"We need you," Nate said, raising his eyebrows like he knew exactly what Parker was thinking. Which he didn't, because he wasn't psychic. At least, Parker didn't think he was psychic.

"Fine," she said, and stole three of his favorite pens when he wasn't looking, just because she could.

||

The plan was simple. Go in, program the nanobots to destroy themselves, steal the card giving them access to the fifty million the Germans had paid the lead scientist, and get out. Parker was stealing the card, Hardison was doing the nanobots, Sophie and Nate were keeping everyone distracted during the party, and Eliot was going to try to avoid hitting people, unless they were trying to stop Parker or Hardison.

Parker knew something would go horribly wrong, because something always went horribly wrong, but she was hoping it would be a little horrible and not a lot horrible. At least she didn't have to wear a dress this time.

"You look nice," Hardison said as they exited the van and walked towards the back entrance.

Parker glared at him. "I'm wearing a black jumpsuit. And no makeup."

"And I'm saying you look nice." Hardison gestured at himself. "Come on, now. I'm wearing a Hawaiian shirt and you still think I look okay."

Parker opened her mouth to protest, but Hardison said, "Come on, you totally want to hit this. Don't lie."

She thought about steps, and locks, and families. And she nodded. "Okay."

"Whoa, whoa, wait." Hardison almost tripped over his own feet. Parker knelt and started picking the lock. "What do you mean, okay?"

"I told you," Parker said. This lock was too easy. She had it open in just a few seconds. "Let's go."

"You're going to explain the second we get out of here," Hardison said. "I swear to god, Parker, sometimes – holy shit."

They were standing in front of a board with a city on it. Everything – the buildings, the people, the trees – were made of tiny nanobots.

"I like Munich," Parker said.

"Guh," Hardison said.

She glanced at him. He was hard. Later, she thought, she would ask if it was her or the nanobots. She was betting both. "The computer's over there."

"Right," Hardison said, and practically tripped over his feet getting to it.

Parker sat down next to the city, watching the nanobots move. She felt suspicious. They were creepy.

"How you guys doing?" Nate said over the comm.

"We're fine," Parker said.

"ETA?"

"Give me, like, fifteen minutes," Hardison said. "Eliot got the exits?"

"No one'll bug you," Eliot said.

Everyone was quiet again. Hardison was working with the tip of his tongue sticking out. Parker wondered if he knew.

"Hah," he said after six minutes had passed.

Parker looked over at the table. The nanobots were twitching and slowing down. "You did it."

"And now it's time to get the hell out of dodge." Hardison grinned and cracked his knuckles. "Hell yeah, we just shut down a German multinational of evil."

"I do like Munich, though," Parker said. She stood up and waited for Hardison to come over.

When he did she pushed him down onto the table full of dead nanobots and kissed him, all in one move.

After a few moments that made Parker want to climb the walls and cheer, or something else she'd usually only think about if she had a brand new pile of money, Hardison wiggled and said, "Whoa, whoa, what's happening here?"

"We're kissing," Parker said. And then, to show she could be communicative, she added, "Also, you're probably getting nanobots down your pants."

Hardison yelped and wiggled against her. He could have gotten up if he wanted to, but he stayed where Parker had pushed him. "Not that this isn't great, but, you know, timing?"

"We can do more when we're done," Parker said.

"Also," Eliot said in her ear, "comms. Seriously, you guys. That's gross."

"Oops," Parker said, and then she surprised herself by laughing.

That was when security came. Apparently, Eliot just hadn't been paying attention.

||

Nate would come in ten minutes. Hopefully.

"I fail to see what good ten minutes would do you, aside from allowing you time to call for help from your friends," the man said. "Which is unacceptable. You are responsible for the damage you have done."

"Look, man," Hardison said, "we weren't trying to cause any trouble. Just give us a few minutes and it'll all be back to normal."

"You have nanobots hanging off your shorts. You will not be given a chance to make amends," the man said, and raised a gun.

Eliot kicked the door down and had the gun on the ground and the guy in a headlock before Parker had even blinked. "Go," Eliot said, and knocked the man out.

Parker and Hardison ran, with Eliot stopping behind them a few times to take out another security guard. Parker didn't realize she was smiling until they'd leapt into the van and she was leaning against Hardison with Nate looking lazily amused and Eliot huffing in her other ear.

Sophie turned around in the driver's seat and said, "I hope you did what was needed?"

Parker held up the card. "We win."

Hardison took her hand. "Yeah. We win."

"Pedal to the metal, Sophie," Nate said.

"Do try not to speak in cliches," Sophie said, and they sped away.